


Run Back Home

by anonymousstoryperson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Good Laufey (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Jötunheimr | Jotunheim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-10-31 16:21:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousstoryperson/pseuds/anonymousstoryperson
Summary: Loki watches his arm turn blue in the fight. So does someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

“Run back home, little princess.” Laufey taunted, making Thor stop in his tracks. 

“Damn.” Loki muttered, stomach dropping as all hope for a peaceful end evaporated in front of him, obliterated by the grin Thor was now wearing. 

It almost happened in slow motion- Thor holding Mjolnir by its strap just as he turned and hurled it at Laufey, sending the king flying back into the wall behind him. 

The frost giants converged on them as one, towering tall and jumping into the fray. Their small group sprang into action, maces and blades and spears glinting as they moved. Loki lured one over a cliff with an illusion and slipped back into the fray, daggers out. Fandral was laughing as his sword fell giant after giant. Hogun was battling several at once, and Sif was moving from giant to giant with ruthless efficiency. But even as he, Sif and the Three stabbed and slashed and beat their way through the horde, even as Thor decimated the forces that charged him, he could tell that they were outnumbered. 

Volstagg gave a yell of pain as a giant grabbed him by the arm, its touch burning his bare flesh with frostbite. He managed to kill it, and helpfully yelled “Don’t let them touch you!” 

Another frost giant came at Loki, and he ran to meet it. This one was faster than expected, and grabbed his arm just as he made to stab it. He saw his armour break away under its grip, leaving the arm exposed, and braced for the burn. But he felt nothing. Instead, deep blue stained his skin like ink and climbed, ridges appearing in curves across his arm. 

Loki could only stare, all thoughts grinding to a halt as he watched. His skin matched the Jotun that held him, the shade an exact replica if the ridged lines differed in pattern. He could feel the biting cold of the realm everywhere else but that arm, where the cold suddenly seemed unnoticeable, and he refused to think about why. His shape-shifting, it had to be. To protect from the frostbite. 

The frost giant who still held him looked as surprised as he felt, his own shock mirrored in its features. The similarity was what rebooted his brain, because immediately he snarled and sent the blade in his free hand forward into its belly. It released him with a cry and he leapt away, barely pausing to watch it fall as he stumbled away, watching the blue recede slowly. Glancing around, and praying to the Norns that his shield-brothers had not seen it, he kept the offending arm close to his chest and jumped back into the fight. 

Frandral had been impaled by a Jotun’s ice, the wounds serious but not immediately fatal- they were a fighter down and still outnumbered, a realm against the six of them. Thor, oblivious or uncaring, continued to fight with relish, ignoring Sif and Loki’s yells of retreat. He ran with Sif and the Three, Hougun and Volgstagg carrying Fandral between them, the ground beneath them trembling and Loki didn’t doubt Thor had something to do with it. 

The next few moments were a blur- the creature falling beneath the ice only to rise from the depths ahead of them, Thor exploding through its skull, and the surge of frost giants charging at them, Laufey at the rear before the light of the BiFrost hit. Loki nearly sagged in relief. 

Odin appeared out of the light, his steed beneath him, and the giants kept their distance, fearful. Only Laufey dared approach, moving to the front of the horde to face the All-Father. Even from here Loki could feel the All-Father's fury, and he focused on calming himself. This was wrong. None of this was supposed to happen. Heimdall should have alerted Odin before they even reached Laufey’s court, should have stopped them before Thor could break the peace like this. Hel, why did he let them come anyway? Thor’s attempt to go should have been enough to show Odin that he was unfit! They were all screwed. 

He focused again on the talks between Odin and Laufey, as he should have been from the start- the peace treaty was at risk here- but it seemed to have steered off-course. He was sure they had been discussing the broken treaty just moments ago. 

“Even to your enemies, you think your deceits will work.” Laufey sneered. Behind him the frost giants stirred, restless or muttering Loki couldn’t tell. 

“I am being truthful.” Odin replied, calm and measured as always. Loki wondered how long that would last once they returned to Asgard. “There will be no more bloodshed this day.” 

“I do not need more of your pretences of diplomacy, Odin. You are a liar and a thief, and I grow tired of your attempts to appear otherwise.” 

“The Casket was weregild for the war. It is not stolen.” 

“I do not speak of the Casket.” 

Loki frowned, and he wasn’t the only one. A glance showed Thor was just as confused as he was. He wasn’t talking about the treaty, about the Casket, in fact he seemed to have almost forgotten about both. Where was this going? 

“Perhaps my own can shed some light on things.” 

All attention had been on Laufey. No-one had looked around them, too focused on whether or not war was upon them. Loki never looked at where he stood. Not until he felt freezing hands on him from behind. 

“Unhand me!” he demanded as he was dragged several steps, the sound of Thor yelling and the unsheathing Asgardian swords doing nothing to reassure as he felt Jotun hands on his arms again. No, not again. 

“Laufey, release my son or this will be taken as a declaration of war.” Odin warned, but Laufey was unmoved, scarlet eyes fixed on the mage as if he was trying to see beneath his skin. 

“I must check my soldier’s words for myself.” he said as he gestured for the two to bring him forward. Only then did Loki notice the soldier at Laufey’s left, slumping to the side to curl protectively over a stomach wound. The one that had first grabbed him before. He hadn’t killed him, hadn’t checked like a fool and now he was doomed. 

He could feel the shift creeping up his arms, nearing his shoulders as Laufey observed him. “After all, All-Father,” he muttered, not even looking at Odin, “I believe I made clear that we will not fall for your deceit any longer.” 

“There is no deceit here.” Loki tried, still struggling, but the two either side of him would not budge. 

“His arm.” Laufey requested, and the one on Loki’s right forced it forward. Loki could do nothing but stare at the dark hue, the raised curving lines and the sharp, black nails. He tried to shift back, but it stubbornly remained the same and he felt panic rise in his chest. This had never happened before. No other form had stuck like this. 

“What lie will you use to explain this, Odin?” Laufey asked, crimson eyes finally flicking away from the prince to challenge Asgard’s king. Loki couldn’t help but look at him as well, searching for answers he didn’t have. Odin, forever behind an unmoving mask, was the opposite to his first son, who was staring in horror at the blue he could feel climbing to his neck. 

“Well?” Laufey demanded, barely masking anger, “Can you tell me why one of Asgard bears my skin, my clan marks? I’m sure we’d love an explanation.” Red eyes, returned to him, and something in them flickered and changed before hardening again to face Odin, “By the looks of it this one would like some answers too.” 

“It is a trick!” Thor boomed from beside his father, “They use his abilities against him! We will not play the games of Jotuns who dare question the house of-” 

“No, Thor.” 

It’s funny. Loki never understood the writers of Asgard who would liken a voice to the tolling of an executioner’s bell, or the slam of Gungir on Asgard’s floors. Until this moment the notion had been ridiculous. How wrong he had been. 

“Father, I can’t be…” 

Odin rode out of the BiFrost site. “Heimdall.” He called, and the light took away all other Asgardians. The broken expanse of Jotunheim spread out endlessly behind him. 

“You’ve made your point, Laufey. Now release him.” 

For a moment it looked as if Jotunheim’s king would refuse out of spite, but he eventually gestured to his soldiers. “Leave us.” He commanded, and they did. Loki pulled himself from the Jotunns and watched his hands through red eyes. He could already feel it receding now that he had been released, but the damage had been done. 

“So not only did you take the Casket, the heart of our planet, but you deign it fair to take my child as well?” 

“He would not have survived had I not taken him.” 

“Because you waged war!” Laufey roared, “Our sacred temple was the last sanctuary we had for him, guarded alongside the Casket, yet you slaughtered any Jotunn who would have cared for him!” 

Laufey turned to Loki now, and his voice softened. “You were born near the end of the war. I was fighting a losing battle, but my wife managed to smuggle you into the temple. You were meant to be safe there, guarded more than our own palace. My wife left you with the heart of our realm to fight and protect you, but when I arrived, the temple was destroyed and my people were dead. I could never have dared to hope that you had survived.” 

He didn’t want to listen to this, so he turned to Odin. “Father, tell him he’s wrong. It’s just my abilities, my shapeshifting to avoid frostbite- father, tell him!” 

He didn’t. “You were small, for a Frost Giant’s offspring. It was unlikely you would survive the night. When I held you, you changed into an Aesir child. You showed magical ability even then.” 

He shook his head in denial, but even he knew there were no lies here. Desperation and confusion gave way to anger fairly quickly once that passed. 

“When were you going to tell me? How many more stories about the monsters would you tell us before you dropped this at my feet? Why tell us stories of the monsters of Jotunheim unless you planned never to tell me the truth? That I’m the monster we were taught to fear?” 

“You are my son. I wished only to protect you from the truth.” 

“But he is not your son!” Laufey roared. “You took my son, you took the Casket, and your realm sees it fit to call me a monster. I won’t stand for it.” 

“Laufey, think carefully. Your realm cannot win without the Casket. If you declare war, your people will die.” 

“My people are already dying, Odin. On a planet without a heart. Your son has broken the treaty and I find that the son I thought was dead has been raised by Aesir.” he spat the last word as if it disgusted him to even say it. 

“I have very little to lose. This is your decision to make. The Casket, or my child.”


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is back on Asgard, and has questions.

“Heimdall, send me back!” Thor roared almost as soon as he landed back in Asgard. 

“You three, take Fandral to Eir.” The gatekeeper told Sif, Hogun and Volstagg, leaving Thor to his anger, “She is waiting for you.” 

“Heimdall, listen to me! The Jotuns attempt to implicate my brother in their schemes and I cannot-” 

“The All-Father has forbidden it.” 

“That didn’t stop you helping us mere hours ago!” 

“And look what came of it.” 

The cool reproach shocked him out of his rage, leaving a sense of humiliation at everything. None of this was meant to happen, though now he could not see a way that any of it wouldn't have come to pass. He would not lie to himself anymore- he knew he was not going to Jotunheim for answers alone. He had gone for the glory of a just battle and a swift victory. Now the peace treaty was at stake, Fandral was hurt, Asgard could be at the brink of war and his brother was... 

“What have they done to my brother?” he asked, almost quiet. 

Heimdall’s eyes moved to the stars. “He is unharmed. They have released him.” 

“Thank the Norns.” He didn’t know what it would have done to him if he lost his brother to his own recklessness. 

Heimdall refused to say more, content to focus on whatever was happening. Not for the first time, Thor envied Heimdall’s gift, but today it was more than wistful daydreams of never being vulnerable to attack. He wanted more than anything to keep an eye on his father and brother, surrounded by Jotuns as they spoke. 

The thought filled him with anger again. How dare they try anything with a prince of Asgard! They needed to know to fear him, respect him, as they did Father. 

He stayed, pacing the Observatory restlessly. He asked Heimdall once to lend him his sight, but the man didn’t even acknowledge him. It unnerved him. 

His thoughts trailed to Fandral briefly, but as bad as he felt about it, his friend did not hold his attention. He knew he would be fine. Eir was the finest healer in the Nine. 

Finally, Heimdall moved, opening the BiFrost again. Thor whirled to face it, watching the glow for movement. 

The light faded, and his stomach dropped. 

Loki wasn’t there. 

“Father, where is Loki?” 

“Laufey has agreed to refrain from war and remain under the terms of the treaty. His condition was that his son remain with him.” 

“His son?” He took a step back, “Loki is your son!” 

Odin sighed. “I wish we had told the both of you in better circumstances. Loki is a Frost Giant, Thor. It was no trick. Contact with the giants revealed his true form.” 

“No. No, he can’t be. We would have known.” 

“We couldn’t let you know. The war with the frost giants left their mark on our relations. He would have been in danger from our own people from the moment his heritage went public.” 

Thor was shaking his head, as if it could get these words out of his head, but it was futile. He could still see his brother’s arms stained blue, ever-darker in the eternal nights of Jotunheim. 

The Observatory felt far too small around him, the gold looming over him until Mjolnir was in his hand and he was off, streaming through the skies towards Asgard, trying to breathe. 

The castle rushed forward to meet him and he landed heavily on the nearest balcony. Not moments later, the Queen appeared around the corner. She must have seen him coming. 

“I was watching from the throne.” She stated simply. Thor came forward. 

“Mother tell me it is a lie. My brother is not a Jotun.” 

Frigga screwed her eyes shut, but kept herself together by sheer force of will. “I cannot.” 

“No. No. My brother is no monster.” 

“Being Jotun does not make him a monster, Thor. Don’t ever say something like that.” Her voice was wavering but still managed to scold. “He is as much my son as you are and his skin will not change that.” 

“Odin brought him home at the end of the war, saying he had found him abandoned and shape-shifted to an Aesir form. He became our family the moment he was found and is as much an Odinson as you are.” 

“Then why have we left him in Jotunheim? Why did Father abandon him there the moment the secret is revealed, and leave him to their mercy?” 

Frigga looked as if the very act of speaking the words broke her heart. “Because Laufey never abandoned Loki. To keep him with us would risk another war, and your father is first and foremost Asgard’s king.” 

Thor looked away, pushing a hand through his hair roughly as he paced. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and he told his mother as such. 

“I have been told since I was a child about the Jotuns. How they invaded Midgard, how they fought like cowards and were monsters to be fought. How am I meant to connect that to my brother?” 

Frigga lowered herself into the nearest chair, looking older than she ever had. “I blame myself. And your father. It is always easy to have a realm back a war if they find themselves hateful of the enemy, and that propaganda never really went away, even after the treaty. Odin is a powerful man, but he cannot change decades of hatred throughout an entire realm.” 

Thor took a seat nearby, elbows resting on his knees. “I don’t know what to think. My brother is my brother, but this… I don’t know how I am meant to…” 

“I understand, my son. Your world has been turned on it’s head and you need time to adjust and sort it out in your mind. But all we can do is be here for your brother should he need us, and be ready to show him that we have not turned him away for his heritage.” 

“Have we not? When he stands alone on an unfamiliar realm, knowing that we sit in warmth and safety?” 

“We have no choice, my son.” she pleaded, “We are all at fault for what has happened, but we are not turning our backs on him. We cannot.” 

“I know that!” he defended, drawing back, “I would never turn away from him. He is still my brother.” 

Frigga smiled, as sad and watery as her eyes were. “And that is all I can ask of you. He is still family, and we can only remember that until we can see him again.”


	3. 3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is left on Jotunheim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter today. We'll jump back to Thor next chapter and then we'll see Jotunheim properly, promise.

Loki watched the BiFrost hit again without him, a void widening somewhere in his chest as the lights vanished and the dark landscape widen in every direction now that no single point held his focus. The sheets of ice seemed endless, reaching out into the dark of a starless sky, nowhere to run and nowhere to go. 

Odin had chosen to keep the Casket safe. 

He could look at his utter abandonment in a logical and diplomatic way. It was the obvious choice to keep Asgard out of a war and the Casket out of Jotunheim. It was the Frost Giant’s greatest weapon, after all. With it, they could probably invade another realm once again and pull Asgard into another war. To put himself above Asgard would be selfish and stupid. 

Or he could throw logic out of the window and fall right back into the spiral of bitterness he had skirted around for most of his life. The voice that spat how Odin would have never agreed to such a deal if it had been Thor on the table, one that hissed how finally no one could tell him in good conscience that he was equal to Thor in Odin’s eyes and degrade his talents in a single breath. 

“You will be more comfortable in your true form.” Laufey’s voice shocked him out of his broodings, one hand outstretched towards him, “The cold will damage an Aesir form before long.” 

Loki immediately flinched away. “Don’t touch me!” 

“Are you able to revert without assistance?” 

He didn’t answer. He hadn’t even known he could change to Jotun until a few minutes ago, and he certainly wasn’t jumping at the chance to try it. 

“Then allow me.” 

His hand came forward again and this time made contact. The blue spread, the ridges appeared, and all too soon Loki had nothing but his armour to show his home. 

“You’re a natural shapeshifter, so I’m guessing that you will yourself back to an Aesir form. With some practice you may be able to repress that instinct, though I suspect the environment should be a help in that.” 

With practice. A reminder of the time he’d be stuck here. A reminder that he was a prisoner on a realm he hated. 

“Come,” Laufey continued, “it will do us no good to remain here.” 

“Why am I here?” he croaked, stopping the Jotun’s movements. “You cannot possibly think I am one of you, whatever my skin looks like. I am an Odinson, and you will not change that.” 

A pause. A long one that let the sharp winds whistle between them. 

“Maybe so. It would be foolish of me to believe this revelation could unravel a thousand years of brainwashing. But whether you like it or not you are my child, and I refuse to lose you a second time.” 

The conviction in his words shocked him, and he looked up to see a sorrowful determination. Next to everything he knew about Jotuns, too cold to feel a thing, it was jarring to say the least. 

“You have spent a millennia as an Aesir, and as much as that pains me I cannot change that. But this is my chance to get to know the son I lost, and perhaps with time you would be willing to know the family you lost.” 

“It is time for us to go,” Laufey reiterated, “Even we face struggles when the storms begin.” 

He stood, towering over him. Loki looked away, focusing on stopping the instinctual shift back to Asgardian. He had felt the change several times now, he could interrupt it, just like how Frigga taught him. 

His mother. Not his mother. Did she know what had happened yet? Norns, she must have known about him all along. Would she be sad? Did he still have one person in Asgard who would miss him? Or was she glad to finally be rid of her shameful lie? 

Even if he did still have her on his side, what did it matter? He was weregild now. He would likely never get to see her again. The entirety of Asgard would know of his heritage by morning, and setting foot on the realm would no doubt spill his blood no matter what form he took. 

So he kept the blue in place, noticing faintly how the burning cold around him dulled instantly to a crisp air, and followed Laufey back across the frozen plains, back towards his court.


	4. 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Odin talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story will continue to jump between Thor and Loki, because as much as the plot revolves around Loki's journey, Thor will always play a large role in that. Again, this chapter is short, but the one coming up is much longer, pinky promise

Thor was in his chambers hours later, the lamps brightening in the ever-increasing darkness of twilight, when he heard his doors open behind him. He knew it was Odin before he even heard the footfalls.

“I fear I will not be pleasant company tonight, Father.” he warned lightly, his eyes not moving from the stars visible from his balcony.  
“After today, pleasant company is the last thing I expect from you.” came the admittance as Odin made his way over. “In the span of mere minutes, I have shattered the worlds of both my sons and lost one. The realm will be in uproar at the news by morning, and we have no way of knowing if the Frost Giants will not attempt the Vault again.”

“The blame does not lie solely with you.” said Thor, “I took a forbidden journey to Jotunheim, broke the peace treaty and not only endangered my friends but allowed everything to fall apart over pride.”

A silence fell over both of them, and Thor did not move his gaze. Were the stars similar on Jotunheim? He never had cause to look when he was there.

“Your mother tells me you have attempted to come to terms with your brother’s heritage. Have you managed?”

Images flashed through his mind. The frost giants holding Loki between them. The blue creeping across his arms, rising to stain his face...

He sighed, letting his head droop. “I don’t know how. Everything I have been told about Frost Giants... none of that is congruent to my brother. I cannot think for a moment that my brother is a monster.”

And how would Loki see himself? Loki, who grew up with exactly the same stories seeing it in himself, without reassurance that his family still loved him. If Thor couldn’t come to terms with it, what hope did he have?

“Then perhaps it is time we stop viewing Frost Giants as monsters.” Odin suggested. “Too much of our information was collected in a time of conflict. It may do us good to look at them through unbiased eyes.”

Thor didn’t respond. It hadn’t occurred to him that Asgard’s records could be anything but the truth. Could he trust anything anymore?

“I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness,” Odin continued, “But you must know that above all else I am king first. I had no choice.”

“Perhaps. But that does not make it better.”

Odin’s silence conceded the point, but it didn’t last long.

“We still need to talk about your actions. Travelling to Jotunheim, and breaking the treaty.”

“I know. It was wrong of me to disobey you, Father.”

“It was. You could have restarted a war that we would not win without loss, no matter our advantage.”

His retort was on the tip of his tongue, that the Jotuns had to learn to fear him, but the realisation of it was like a punch to the stomach. Loki was with him when they last had this discussion. Would Loki think Thor would think of him like that? Could he still think that now that his own brother was among them?  
He wasn’t ready. To take the throne, to deal with this news, any of it. He couldn’t do it.

“What would you have done, has this fight not ended this way?” he asked Odin, “How would you have dealt with it?”

Odin pondered the question a moment. “Had Laufey not had leverage to bargain, the treaty would be in pieces. To keep you in Asgard without consequence would have provoked an early war. The only option would be banishment. Perhaps to Midgard- they are too primitive as of yet to know of our politics or to have a stance on it. You would have been safest both physically and politically.”

Thor nodded, watching a pair of guards patrol the streets below. “Then I will leave for Midgard tomorrow.”

“Doing so will not bring back Loki.”

“Perhaps not. But I will do so either way.” He pushed away from the balcony. “You are still the king, and Mother can still stand as Regent if she must. But I think I must take some time elsewhere.”


	5. 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longun, this one. Hope you like it.

The trek brought them back to the court in which the fight had begun. Barely an hour ago, it felt like days had passed since then, with everything that had happened. The place was even more ruined that it had been when they first arrived. The work of Mjolnir, he was certain.

They passed through in silence, walking further through crumbling ruins and structures before Laufey led him to an opening that he would have missed if he hadn’t been led straight to it. From an oblivious eye it seemed to be more isolated structures, but passing through revealed it to be an entrance that led to a descent underground. At the realisation, he paused.

Laufey noticed, pausing to turn and look at him. “If I had wished you harm, you would have been dead before the BiFrost had even vanished.” 

Loki was surprised to hear something akin to amusement in his voice, but it didn’t make him any more eager. Yet he knew any choice he once had to make had vanished with Thor and Odin, so he followed again. 

The descent was dark without the natural light, but there was nothing to trip them up and the terrain was too smooth to be entirely natural, so it must have been carved out. It went on for longer than expected, until he lost sight of how deep they must have gotten. He was almost ready to swallow his pride and ask about it when it opened up and blue light was visible at the other end. He frowned. What source of light did Jotuns use?

They walked into the opening, which turned out to be a vast cavern, dome-shaped and colossal. Every few feet there was another opening or entrance, through which frost giants moved in and out. There didn’t seem to be any attraction that brought them there specifically- it was just a place where they walked and sat and talked. And spreading throughout the walls like bloodlines were lines of blue that glowed steadily, lighting the entire area. 

“Living organisms.” Laufey explained when he noticed his looking, “They live in the lowest, darkest places in search of food and glow when disturbed. So directing them through these veins brings them in close contact with each other and give us a constant source of light.”

Loki didn’t respond, though he ached to learn about it. How did the organisms not freeze to death? Did the light provide a source of warmth as well? How many were there to ensure constant light? If he reached out, he could probably feel if there was any warmth coming from them, or if such stimuli made them brighter.

But he didn’t. This was Jotunheim, in front of a frost giant who had severed him from the only family he had ever called such as if it would magically make him part of his, and he was not going to give this creature the satisfaction even of curiosity. So he stilled his arms at his sides and kept his eyes downcast, away from the glow. 

The dome had gone quiet around them- Frost giants noticing that their king had returned. Laufey moved again, and again Loki followed behind, through the crowd that parted for them. He refused to look up at any of them. Even still, he could feel their own eyes on him until they passed through another tunnel and the crowds were left behind.

“The news about you will spread quickly, if it hasn’t already.” Laufey told him, not slowing down, “But we will ensure your privacy within the royal chambers until you are ready to meet your people.”

“They are not my people.” he snapped, feeling the bite pass new, sharper teeth he loathed, cutting into the air without hot air misting in front of him, looking into red eyes in a blue face he had been trained to hate. None of this was fair. Why would Odin make clear the baseness of the Jotuns when it lay beneath his skin? What did he gain by ensuring he would hate what he was once the secret came out? Why raise a monster at all?

Laufey said nothing, continuing to lead him onwards. At the glances he risked around him- to help his escape, he told himself, should he find a way- this tunnel led directly to the royal chambers. But he had not seen anything keeping out the general populace- what measures were there to separate the classes?

Laufey led him through a convoluted route that finally stopped at a room. “This is yours,” Laufey told him as he opened the door, “I would like you to stay here for the night. I will return tomorrow, but I need to speak to your biological mother.”

“I have no wish to see her.”

“Perhaps. But it would be cruel of me to keep this from her, especially when rumours will have begun circulating the moment the soldiers returned.”

Loki flinched, the reminder of the lies and secrets that had coated his life as unsubtle as possible. Without response, he entered to room and looked around, if only to avoid looking at Laufey. The glowing veins of the walls continued in here, illuminating an adequately sized room. Rather than a bed propped up at the back of the room, there appeared to be a large indent in the floor, filled with furs. He was surprised by how tired he was now that sleeping arrangements were in sight.

“We will give you privacy tonight. I cannot promise that Farbauti won’t be waiting for you when you wake, but you can have tonight at least to absorb everything and come to terms with it.”

The name tugged an amusedly fond smile to the giant’s lips as he spoke- she must be his biological mother. The idea of such a title going to anyone but Frigga curled his stomach. 

He heard more than watched Laufey leave, closing the door behind him, leaving him in the silence of his room. For the first time in years he wanted to call for Heimdall, to swallow his pride that had pushed him to find the paths of Yggdrasil so often and call for the BiFrost. The only thing stopping him was the cold fear he felt as his mind drew up the worst possible scenario – that even if he screamed and begged to the skies, the gatekeeper would not open the BiFrost to him, that he would be pleading to an unmoving sky until his throat rubbed raw, and he would be left with no doubt that he had been abandoned by Asgard.

His composure lasted only until he lowered himself into the furs. He didn’t sleep in furs on Asgard, and the clear difference was enough to push him over the edge. Sinking through the furs, he felt as if he was drowning in the layers and the rising panic. He was stuck on a realm of endless ice with only the furs around him for comfort. He was abandoned by his family and his home for the creatures who claimed to hold the title. Surrounded by the monsters that parents tell their children about at night because he was one of them. Asgard lost to him because it was never his to begin with.

He faintly realised that he had yet to remove his Asgardian armour, and the need to keep it with him and hold on to it warred with the sudden urge to rip it off, to tear it from his skin and hurl it against the furthest wall, to disgard it just as Asgard had done with him. 

For a while, the former won out. With mechanical movements, blue hands pulled him back out of the indent and removed the armour piece by piece, laying it beside him almost without looking. The repetition of reach, unclasp, remove and place gave him something to focus on, something to funnel the vortex of his thoughts. It had been a while since he had felt the need to do this. Ever since he had learned how to send his entire armour elsewhere in an instant had rendered the task redundant for centuries now. Yet here he was, removing it manually until he was left in his shirt and breeches, still overdressed for a Jotun, his armour laid out neatly beside him. Ignoring the ice beneath it, it could almost seem as if he were back in his old rooms, his armour prepared for the following day.

A burst of magic sent it all scattering across the room, bouncing from the walls with metallic clangs. He followed the nearest piece, a vambrace, and threw it manually. Why did Odin take him in the first place? Why place him in such a lie if not for a purpose? Why take him if not as a war prize, which would make sense if Laufey had known about him from the start?

At least he got some answers out of all of this. Why he always felt out of place in Asgard. Why he was always so different. Why Thor was favoured time and time again, decade after decade, century after century by the man who claimed to love him. 

The vambrace hit the wall directly in the light line, the organisms scattering through the veins to escape the impact zone. The room was dark in moments.

It wasn’t until he left his tirade to finally rest that he felt the furs brush away the tears on his face.


	6. 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes after his first night on Jotunheim. He doesn't wake alone.

There was someone nearby.

That was his first thought as he woke, the second registering the blistering chill in the air. He must have reverted back to Asgardian in his sleep. He didn’t know how he felt about that, but with a stranger in the room it was hardly a priority. 

He was on his side, curled in a way that allowed him to summon a dagger to his hand without being seen, spreading his seidr as subtly as possible to gauge the intruder’s exact location, then moved, flinging the blade in the intruder’s direction, his momentum taking him up into a position that would make it easier to evade or push his attack.

The figure dodged the blade, which impaled the wall behind them. Loki was already jumping out of the furs, summoning a second dagger, but instead of impaling flesh, it ended up burrowed up to its handle in a wall of ice that sprung up out of nowhere.

“Okay!” a voice sounded from behind it, “Maybe waiting in the room for you wasn’t the best idea.”

“Who are you?” he demanded, settling into a battle stance, not yet summoning another dagger but ready to do so at the slightest provocation. 

“I’m Farbauti.” The Jotun answered, still behind the wall. “I’m sorry for surprising you, I just- I had to see you. Laufey told me you were here and…”

Ah. This wasn’t just a random intruder. This was his biological mother.

She stepped out of hiding hesitantly, anticipating further attack. As she did so, she put a hand to the hastily-constructed wall and it changed, slipping down to become part of the floor. He watched it morph, but dragged his attention back the intruder. Who had barely blinked since she’d stepped out of hiding.

“I’m sorry,” she told him, noticing her own staring, “but I haven’t seen you for over a millennia. Not since I had to leave you in that temple…”

A soft gasp- almost a sob- escaped her, and Loki was surprised to see her become overwhelmed. He hadn’t been entirely sure that Jotuns could experience such emotion, and to see such a contradiction to his views threw him off-balance.

“Nothing could have prepared me for Laufey’s news. I almost didn’t believe him myself, at first-“ A shaky smile changed her voice- “But the joy of finding you, he could not have faked that.”

Loki wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, but he did his best. 

“Well then I believe I am not quite what either of you expected.”

Her shaking smile fell through. “Not quite. Never in all this time could I have believed that you survived at all. We hoped that your spirit lived on but…”

Her gaze became determined as she drank him in. “If I had even guessed that you were alive, that you had been taken by Odin Realm-Killer, the forces of Asgard in their entirety wouldn’t have kept me from bringing you home.”

Indignance reared its head within him at the slander. “That’s my father you speak of, so choose your next words wisely.”

She flinched visibly at his words, but her resolve did not weaken. “I am aware he took you and raised you as an Aesir prince. But he took you from your kin, stole you and our realm’s heart when our people were at our weakest and hid his horrors while your homeworld languished in a permanent state of half-death. He is Realm-Killer for a reason, and I struggle to find any kind words for the rest of his people.”

“Then that includes me.” He hissed, opening his arms in display, “Whatever I may have been born as, this is who I am. Raised Asgardian, for the past thousand years. Your claim is a mere taint in my blood and nothing more.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” she hissed back, anguish fighting ire, “You cannot imagine mourning your child for a millennia only to discover they were snatched from you as a war prize and made to hate you, hate everything they came from because the realm’s heart wasn’t enough for him. You cannot imagine learning that only to see your child wearing a face you barely recognise, hiding the face you mourned with one of killers and conquerors. You do not know how I screamed for you when I had recovered enough to learn of what we thought to be your passing. How I blamed myself for fighting instead of protecting you, then Odin then Laufey then both and then myself once more. I am not a taint- I am your mother.”

He couldn’t listen to her tirade. He couldn’t. Not now, when all he wanted to do was lash and cut in a way his blades could not. So he straightened, closed off, and replied. 

“I already have a mother. Of Asgard. I am Odinson, and that is all.”

She reared back, something breaking in her expression. He fought to keep his own sturdy.

After a long moment of impenetrable silence between them, she spoke again.

“This cannot be easy on you, either, and I understand that. But I already lost you once, and not even the Norns will take you from us again.”

She looked away, finally, and moved to the door. “I’ll give you some space. Someone should be up to bring food shortly.”

He couldn’t take back those last moments whether he wanted to or not- all he could do was keep his composure until the door closed behind her. Only now did he vaguely notice that the door was not like those on Asgard, that swung open via hinges. Like everything else on this realm, it was ice, and slid in and out of the wall manually. How he had not noticed earlier was a mystery to him.

As it was, he caught a final glimpse of Farbauti turning around to pull the door closed completely, her eyes firmly on her task to avoid looking into the room.

He did not care. He didn’t. She was nothing to him, another Jotunn who could not see that he was displaced from his actual home.

“I am Odinson.” He muttered quietly to himself, “I am of Asgard.”

Eye catching on the discarded armour in the corner of the room, lying discarded in the ice, he wondered if he was actually as good a liar as his Aesir reputation claimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So
> 
> that's probably how no-one wanted this interaction to go. However, I wanted to keep in character, and Loki is for the most part a bit of a dick, especially when dealing with reality-shattering revelations. Also, in the movie he dealt with it by throwing himself into the role of Odinson and his duties as a prince of Asgard, so I felt that he'd react similarly when faced with Farbauti, who has faced the worst of Asgard's outright cruelty, debatably.
> 
> Find me on  tumblr < /a>


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